waterworld

go along and waste away with me.
the time is now, i cant explain how disgusting i feel.
inside, outside.
i havent been sleeping well, then again i feel like i always write that..
its my back its my shoulders, its my head more than anything.
i wanna eat again and again.
because i have no motivation to go outside.
i notice im happier when im outside, i also notice
im alone inside a lot too.
sometimes i find a lot of comfort in it, i am free to paint, to draw,
to release.
and play some good records.
i wish i was high out of my mind, on a rooftop somewhere
gazing out at the stars. i can see it so clearly in my head.
its like a dark endless backdrop thats real.
like an ocean above. i would like to live underwater like ariel.
i would have an underwater elefant as my friend.
i think i would give it wings though.

a new year. without a new beginning.
life is exactly the same, another saturday
alone with some words. :)
i never liked change too much.
and right now i wish i could listen to my
mamas voice. today i opened the new testament
just to see what was inside, then i found myself reading it.
looking for guidance mostly.
i have no motivation, and i have no guidance.
but i guess only i know how bad i wanna get on
my bike and ride and ride.
i see that rather clearly in my head to.
for now im writing everything that is coming to mind.
i hear it helps... i wish i was dancing also.
to a playlist of my favorite songs.
i wanna get fucked up.
and sit alone in my room with the yeah yeah yeahs, some art,
and champagne like i did when i was 17.
things that free seem far away right now.
i remember when every saturday use to get counted.
wonder how many it would have been if the count never
ended?
i guess right now its sunday.
sundays remind me of the sun.
night time reminds me of the right time.
goodnite