so lost in the flowers, where are you now.
sometimes words come and they just flow and flow..
time is timeless, limits are limitless..
i just move to the sound with my golden feet finally in one place
i cant take it no longer.
wanna jump, wanna play..
damn, where do we go when we die?
wish i could go to the place i dream of the most.
if i could even begin to describe, it would always start off with the trees..
what is seen..
lost in the flowers with a cigarette between my lips.

...

take me to the place where you go
where nobody knows if its night or day..

happy sunday..

good music, good weekend.
cheers

cant believe i found this song after sooo long..

definitely in my all time top 3..

ohh stylo

i wanna blow cool breathe on your face, when your eyes are closed.
and sing campfire songs in the backyard all night.

up on melancholy hill

if i could i would be like forrest and run and run..
id like to live in a picture.. paint a picture, write a picture..
in this world its all possible..
it actually sometimes unfathomable.
this fucking shit is plasitc
the feeling is real.

~

Oh tell me where your freedom lies
The streets are fields that never die
Deliver me from reasons why
You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly

amidst the exhaustion that just left my body, i embrace the state i am in.
completely relaxed, mind is in the right..
breathe breathe in the air.

easy like monday morning

yesterday was easter.
continued to eat pasta salad all day long. i had a really gut wrenching stomach ache.
then that earthquake happened. i felt all nervous and sick inside, i felt like i was going to faint. i couldnt get a grip,, it seemed as though i was on a boat.. i was really freaked out. i start thinking of all these things. type of shit makes me wanna stay under the covers.
today is monday its super grey, and my toes are freezing. ive got to leave school to go study for another school, but im happy. i like grey days. i wish i wouldve dressed warmer.. i hate san diego weather.

hhmmmmm

i wish i could entertain these feelings, these emotions and give them there
own playgroud.. i wanna go draw. sit by myself for a minute, put on a good record. draw. lifes a playground. my head the same, my heart the same, my mind a little different. contemplating, escaping, dreaming of coarse. i wanna go to a high mountain and screaaaam random phrases from it, where you echo echo echo. im getting over being sick, ready for the newcoming, head first. ive been trying to write to myself, but they jsut end up in little pictures of birds always singing. faces that arent real, imaginary places, imaginary faces.. ive been high ive been low, where to now? thinking of the things that make me smile like, baby faces, and bagels, and trips, not the least but spontaneity.. clouds and out of focus sky's. really get me going, like trying to decipher license plates i really get something out of. man o man. good friday..

good friday

where the birds always sing..day or night

It doesn't speak a plan or any secret thing
No unseen sign or untold truth in anything...
But living on in others, in memories and dreams
Is not enough
You want everything
Another world where the sun always shines
And the birds always sing


today was fucking hard, im choking on my own words.
i can barely hold myself up right now.
lay lay lady lay

thank you aubrey

the sun is shinning but im not

something died today.
a little piece of my inside, my soul feels like its in a net or something,
a certain part of me cannot breathe.. a certain part of me lost.
withered flowers april showers you want all that i am, i want all that you are.
im looking up at the sky, im drifting, floating and fading away.
the sun is out but im not, my eyes they wanna shut they wanna shut so tightly.
i sometimes wish i could pause this life,and walk all over it as if it were a map..
im trying to make sense of this senselessness, i wanna sleep beneath the trees, i wanna hear a good cd really loud. i think ill put my hair out today, and cry all over my pillow. tears running rapidly the beat just picked up. this is what i listen to on my way through the clouds, right before i fell. im just typing, typing and typing away. i wish i could sing, i wish i could write, id write so many songs, of how i want everything to be. i wanna curl up in a ball and stop my head from thinking. i dont know who exactly i think i am , but i think im confused about it. a piece of my body feels different right now. my insides feel like they are tangled. my head is mangled. ive got a long paper to write,,, i chose to write my story instead. im gone.
gone gone gone
and i still cant utter the words to get anything out right,.

The day the mustard ran dry

Today i was making a sandwich and the mustard ran out.
I also heard a new song that i really like, it reminds me of you.
Today i listened and layed couldnt think enough about life and
where im at. Where its led me and how i got here. Years and years
ago i couldnt even imagine i ever would have been the places i went
to.. I wouldnt take times back. Maybe ill wish to relive somethings
again when im old. Right now i stare out into the trees, and wish i could
get so high. My issue.. I can get so high, i could never get down though.
I am still golden feet walking paths everyday, searching and seeking
and always always dreaming. Id rather sleep and stay in this
dream cause sometimes it feels so much better than anything else. My
imagination is limitless.. Today is a new day, im starting my way to a possibly
prosperous life. Beginning school for massage therapy, pretty excited.. Kinda
nervous. I feel like this will be something that will let me be myself
and that gives me comfort.. Im finally doing something beneficial for myself.
I dream a lot in memory, i dream a lot in color, i see a lot of pictures.. I make
scrapbooks in my dreams.. Waking up sometimes feels like no reality.. Haha maybe
in the next life ill sleepwalk through it all... Maybe in the next life i wont be awake
at all. It all starts off like a hide and seek game, each time is a mission..
No one could possibly understand.. If i could paint, each color would still be an emotion
every stroke a breath.

blow me away

cant seem to get my head together.
today is windy and grey, i wish i could sit on a longed for rooftop
and listen to loud music. im swimming in your mouth, now let me say your words.
i overthink somethings, underthink the other things, and forget the things i should be thinking about. my imagination has had a hold of me since i woke up this morning with a hacking cough. i imagined being a swimmer inside of a mouth while it swishes around stuff. being underwater is the closest thing i can imagine to flying. so free and weightless. i wish i were there now. im trying to be all i can be, so im gonna start with a new path next week. not the army either. i wanna go to familiar places and sit and draw the fuck out of myself.

always

where in the world is olivia??
where has she gone?

threw the clouds i flew..
the prettiest song.

in montauk where..

Tra la la

I had written so much and it got deleted..
But i was saying that i imagine another world
a world full of color.
I love scenery, smiles, and new places..
Im feeling like i need a shrink
i wanna hang upside down

today was exciting!!

congratulations.
:)

sincerely:sunday

confessional, sometimes i wanna tell all.
but i hold back, i think too much.
often i wanna get outta here.
fly to the moon, we were the best when were hand in hand.
i think about the things i wanna improve,
but ive made myself the person that i am today.
i feel hardly in anyway domesticated.
i continue on my path everyday, focusing on tomorrow
or at least i try to.
i still have eczema on my face.
im trying to become okay with my body and self image.
i dont even know why i care. when i was outside all the time,
nothing in the world mattered. i had everything i needed.
now i have a hard time trying to be out in that big world alone.
a lot of times i think that i wish i wouldnt have given up.
that i would have stayed in that fight, but it was a fight against myself..
i rarely think that those fights even end.
i use to spend my days writing poetry, and drowning myself out in music.
nobody understood me then.
now, i paint, draw, write, learn, only in black.
my art is no good and i get too afraid to be bad at something
and i cant remember when all of this stuff created such an importance in my life.
i NEED to start doing photography, thinking about what i CAN do
to be great at something.
ahh bring me water, water for my mind.
i crave knowledge and bliss.
music in my ears.
theyre bleeding.

this particular song if you could imagine this,
is one i get lost in, truly lost in.
with my head pouring out of a car window with so much wonderful
thought in mind, going to the most beautiful nowhere i have ever been.

in this Life.

aLL good things of this earth
flow into the city.

i wanna get away, far far away,
i sometimes forget what life means to me.
maybe sometimes i feel like ive let myself down.

orange you glad i didnt say banana

today is grey
and i feel ok.
this picture made me smile.
go away hangover

Sweet disposition

Recapping a week full of a new start, and my stomach is feeling
like ive got a flu. My spirits are high and theres a lot on my mind as
usual but tonight in a positive aspect... Not like i have any answers
but im content. Ive thought about love a lot this week but i cant seem
to remember what triggered the thought.. Something about
climbing mountains and doing anything to be with someone you
love. Ive never told anyone how deep the fear i have of being alone
is. I think it happened sometime around the time i was 5 something
with my mom.. But ive been thinking about it. A slight head rush, im
learning to cherish my days... Doing all the things i wanna do for
myself. A work in progress, a sought after affection, i sleep tonight
with no direction.

Ill be looking at the sky
- i heard its suppose to rain tomorrow

purple rain

ive had a pretty good day so far.
got outside and soaked up the grey.
now eyes red as can be,
i wander away to melancholy.
my dream state, the one that lets me be...
im content and im feeling green.
i fell in love with this picture of the horse.

Ive got this song in my head real bad its called laid
by james. "ahhhh this bed is on fire with passion and love
the neighbors complain about the noises above..."

i burned my finger real bad today and it stings still.
My eyes feel like pillows sink right into them..

tuesday

Missels

I couldnt stop thinking last night of how that
shoe was suppose to hit me.

Pinche nariz

Cant breathe outta my nose im sick and congested
and i want vapor rub...
Its freezing here at night i cant stop sneezing
imafreegenmess

en la noche

im sleeping
eyes so tight, while your hand writes and writes
i wanna drift and float away, i wanna run and not ever run out of breath.
flowers bloom in my mind, awaiting the dawning of a new day..
lost in the lost..

its been 3 years today since my grandpa died
i know youre out there somewhere fishing and having a cocktail
i missyou

how far does the pedal fall

opening aspirations
completely tongue tied. im living in a daze right now.
so i got lost in a new book
100 years of solitude. sometimes i forget all about reading but
sometimes i feel like it makes me stop thinking.
i like to get lost. i like to get found, where is that happy
medium?
so much seemed clear tonight. and last night.
my skin feels like its burning, and ive got pains all over.
my nose is frozen and it might just fall off.
i painted all night yesterday. it felt amazing, but i dont care too much
for the result...
im laying here in complete silence, thinking of how the scariest thing
happened to me tonight. i cant stop shaking. my hands, my fingers.
i feel like i took bad drugs.
now im watching a curious cat lick his privates.
:)

im feeling like a really determined student this coming semester
i wanna give it my all, and i should, but i know me.
i know how caught up in life i get sometimes..

its my world, its where i go.
its my little place. i usually go there alone.
i was thinking a lot today, like most days
but when i walk, and moments i really stop to realize im living in
make me really wanna watch my movie from the beginning.
the one ive recorded everyday.

ive been really wanting to scrapbook my life.
cause you can be anywhere when youre life begins.
and i believe there is a beauty in all my imperfections,
i wanna reassemble, cause im in this life, and im in deep.

nosound

i believe, believe in a rush
a feeling, a sound. one so incredible, so overwhelming..
i believe in LOVe.
all i can think of is what i want, what i have
and what i would strive for.
that feeling of once youre found there is nothing more to look for
my head feels so swollen, i think i could puke.
i dream of being lost.
and i feel like the elephant in the room

blahg

war is just history repeating itself.
ahh i feel like blahhhging.

think think think
drink drink drink drink.
and smoke some more.
insomnia, i cant sleep
i cant keep my eyes closed.
its really happening.
its all really happening

perfecto

ever met the perfect human being?
ever seen anything that was perfect?

i never wanna get too old.
i wanna do everything still.

EVERYTHING

waterworld

go along and waste away with me.
the time is now, i cant explain how disgusting i feel.
inside, outside.
i havent been sleeping well, then again i feel like i always write that..
its my back its my shoulders, its my head more than anything.
i wanna eat again and again.
because i have no motivation to go outside.
i notice im happier when im outside, i also notice
im alone inside a lot too.
sometimes i find a lot of comfort in it, i am free to paint, to draw,
to release.
and play some good records.
i wish i was high out of my mind, on a rooftop somewhere
gazing out at the stars. i can see it so clearly in my head.
its like a dark endless backdrop thats real.
like an ocean above. i would like to live underwater like ariel.
i would have an underwater elefant as my friend.
i think i would give it wings though.

a new year. without a new beginning.
life is exactly the same, another saturday
alone with some words. :)
i never liked change too much.
and right now i wish i could listen to my
mamas voice. today i opened the new testament
just to see what was inside, then i found myself reading it.
looking for guidance mostly.
i have no motivation, and i have no guidance.
but i guess only i know how bad i wanna get on
my bike and ride and ride.
i see that rather clearly in my head to.
for now im writing everything that is coming to mind.
i hear it helps... i wish i was dancing also.
to a playlist of my favorite songs.
i wanna get fucked up.
and sit alone in my room with the yeah yeah yeahs, some art,
and champagne like i did when i was 17.
things that free seem far away right now.
i remember when every saturday use to get counted.
wonder how many it would have been if the count never
ended?
i guess right now its sunday.
sundays remind me of the sun.
night time reminds me of the right time.
goodnite

highways

lets waste time,
chasing cars...