estomago comiendo estomago

stomach feels like its eating itself.
it does this everyday, then it passes.
it starts making all this corruption and i feel like i cant move for a minute
then it goes away..

trying to make sense of sense.
but i never understand what i write.
or understand very much at all.
i guess im like one who hears what they wanna hear.
(big downfall)

-so im trying to make progress
even though its become a slow progress on changing.
letting inner me out.
but its hard, and i cant think of how to do it without being judged.
even though i dont know who would be judging me, at the same time i feel like its the whole world.

i found words so misplaced last night,
but they make so much sense to me.
sense in the senseless.
understanding in the misunderstood.
those be my type of people, those be my type of words..

stomach still eating stomach

doo da dee dem da deee

thats all ive ever been..
a hider, a seeker, a runner
a finder..
no judgements. but words creep through me even when these eyes are shut
dont know how to speak..
taking this voice for granted everyday, i know how to speak but im not using this voice.
i am a feeler, a thinker, an imaginer..
dreams, visions fill my mind..
lyrics this poetry takes me away..
but my hands could go on..
why cant i write what i feel.
so much expression flows through my veins..
nothing comes out real, or right.

sometimes i wish everyone was in my mood, and feeling my vibes..
i wanna show it all to everyone.
cause its something i think everyone would love..
i feel like there is a lot, im not letting out.
a lot im not showing..
my soul, my body everything feels like a puzzle and
putting the pieces back together.
-i got a semi-journal so maybe now i can write/draw.

music, i drown in it.
its lyrics, its sound.
i love it.
i wanna share that too with everyone.
at what feeling so amazing can be like.
i wanna share everything.
but im scared.
you gotta find the right people to open up to.
i wanna find them.
i gotta let it out.
what everything is making me feel..

-forget the small talk.
i can almost type perfectly without looking and it makes me happy.
cause ive been trying since i was in the fifth grade.
"happy alone.."
thats another thing.
this makes no sense.

and i wanna write in ways that make sense.
-to not just me, but to everyone...

i feel like im running still...
so lay where your laying..
dont make a sound..

palabras y mas palabras

there is so much i always want to write but the moment the chance comes im stumped again. never know what to write, the music makes me feel okay and less nervous. i forget that there are no rules to this. i am free here to make it how i like. man there feels like so much that i miss, but im not sure what. and now and everyday forward i will have him in my head saying to not be scared of anything. not a bad thing. a reminder... i know where i am in this moment and i know i wont forget, the music makes me want to be in the passenger seat with my hair blowing windows down with everything ahead and nothing behind. in a car. free as can be. i wanna feel every emotion. where you have lost your stomach and where you capture a new sense of mind. i never wanted to say that i was running, but yeah ive been in fear. ive been in fear for a while, of just stuff. i dont know how to explain this to anyone who doesnt get my mind. i wanna be in other elements feeling other things. with music. loud as can be.. ugh this makes no sense i feel no better...