It doesn't speak a plan or any secret thing No unseen sign or untold truth in anything... But living on in others, in memories and dreams Is not enough You want everything Another world where the sun always shines And the birds always sing
today was fucking hard, im choking on my own words. i can barely hold myself up right now. lay lay lady lay
something died today. a little piece of my inside, my soul feels like its in a net or something, a certain part of me cannot breathe.. a certain part of me lost. withered flowers april showers you want all that i am, i want all that you are. im looking up at the sky, im drifting, floating and fading away. the sun is out but im not, my eyes they wanna shut they wanna shut so tightly. i sometimes wish i could pause this life,and walk all over it as if it were a map.. im trying to make sense of this senselessness, i wanna sleep beneath the trees, i wanna hear a good cd really loud. i think ill put my hair out today, and cry all over my pillow. tears running rapidly the beat just picked up. this is what i listen to on my way through the clouds, right before i fell. im just typing, typing and typing away. i wish i could sing, i wish i could write, id write so many songs, of how i want everything to be. i wanna curl up in a ball and stop my head from thinking. i dont know who exactly i think i am , but i think im confused about it. a piece of my body feels different right now. my insides feel like they are tangled. my head is mangled. ive got a long paper to write,,, i chose to write my story instead. im gone. gone gone gone and i still cant utter the words to get anything out right,.
Today i was making a sandwich and the mustard ran out. I also heard a new song that i really like, it reminds me of you. Today i listened and layed couldnt think enough about life and where im at. Where its led me and how i got here. Years and years ago i couldnt even imagine i ever would have been the places i went to.. I wouldnt take times back. Maybe ill wish to relive somethings again when im old. Right now i stare out into the trees, and wish i could get so high. My issue.. I can get so high, i could never get down though. I am still golden feet walking paths everyday, searching and seeking and always always dreaming. Id rather sleep and stay in this dream cause sometimes it feels so much better than anything else. My imagination is limitless.. Today is a new day, im starting my way to a possibly prosperous life. Beginning school for massage therapy, pretty excited.. Kinda nervous. I feel like this will be something that will let me be myself and that gives me comfort.. Im finally doing something beneficial for myself. I dream a lot in memory, i dream a lot in color, i see a lot of pictures.. I make scrapbooks in my dreams.. Waking up sometimes feels like no reality.. Haha maybe in the next life ill sleepwalk through it all... Maybe in the next life i wont be awake at all. It all starts off like a hide and seek game, each time is a mission.. No one could possibly understand.. If i could paint, each color would still be an emotion every stroke a breath.
cant seem to get my head together. today is windy and grey, i wish i could sit on a longed for rooftop and listen to loud music. im swimming in your mouth, now let me say your words. i overthink somethings, underthink the other things, and forget the things i should be thinking about. my imagination has had a hold of me since i woke up this morning with a hacking cough. i imagined being a swimmer inside of a mouth while it swishes around stuff. being underwater is the closest thing i can imagine to flying. so free and weightless. i wish i were there now. im trying to be all i can be, so im gonna start with a new path next week. not the army either. i wanna go to familiar places and sit and draw the fuck out of myself.
